Given my personal experience and what I have seen from other people who have also suffered divorce or parental separation, I believe That divorce children are not a night A curable disease, but a lifelong process. Some divorce or separation is necessary with regard to abuse, drugs and other harmful acts in the home. Whatever the reason for separation, the affected child never reaches its full potential. I also experienced parental separation at the age of 4 years. I remember not seeing my father for days, and then weeks, until now it has been over 5 years since I saw him or even spoken. At the age of 9, I remember asking questions and wondering why my father is no longer in the picture. Some of the ideas that will emerge would be: "Is it me?" Was this the cause of their separation? "He never assured me that he loved me or worried me during those most important years. He never came in my football games to prevent me from When I look at the structure of my family, they all had a father there to support and encourage them during those times. (2003) reported that, on average, non – residential fathers see their children only 4 times per month After divorce and about 20% of children have no contact with their fathers 2-3 years after the divorce, but non-resident mothers visit their children more frequently and are less likely to stop contacting them.
While I think and I think b At the moment of feeling seu L, nothing can match the desire to have a father figure there. My biggest challenges were to compensate for my father's absence to make me think. Statistics show that children of similar circumstances use money, drugs and promiscuity to fill these gaps and needs. Children who live in intact families often experience it, but those who are divorced guarantee these experiences.
Each child must have a balance of love and discipline of mother and father. Separation reduces their discipline and forces parents to avoid conflicts to focus more on the immediate quality that is omitted in the child 's life. These moments are also necessary in the life of a child. The absent parent should never tell the child to turn off the TV and do his homework, get up at school, because he / she is not During school nights.
Much of the life lessons were lost and the skills that would have been learned are no longer separated from the master plan. The school does not teach these individual corners and is too late once in college to learn the basics of life. A mother and a father expose the child to these things that give them a balanced life. Without the entire family, there are holes in the bases to learn.
According to (Kidshealth 2015) As soon as you are certain of your plans, talk to your children about your decision to separate. Although there is no easy way to break the news, if possible, both parents are there for this conversation. It is important to try to leave feelings of anger, guilt or guilt. Practice how you will manage to inform your children so that you do not get angry or angry during the conversation. Child participation is the key to helping them adapt to all changes that will affect them during the separation process. When my parents separated, I lived with my mother who wore the hat of both during my years with her. I was not part of the process, so he left many questions unanswered. Children do not need all the information, but preparing them for the changes to come in their lives is vital. All that needs to be understood is that there are changes that will be made and that this will not affect the relationship between the child and the non – custodial parent. Exposure to both physical and mental illness arises from the traumatic loss of both parents through separation or divorce.
One of the effects of a divorce is the lack of communication skills between he or she mating alongside their parents when they reach an adult hood. Being able to communicate that he / she is about to marry, or even communicating properly with his / her new partner could be a problem. The adjustment to becoming married themselves will be a challenge as they have no plan to model their new behaviors. Therefore, parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may respond to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or by withdrawing. Older children may experience deep sadness and loss. Their school work may suffer and behavioral problems are frequent. As teenagers and adults, divorce children may have problems with their own relationships and experience self-esteem problems (AACAP, 2015).
As we begin to look for ways to solve the most common effects of divorce in children, such as fear of abandonment, absenteeism, changes in academics, Disorganized behaviors and triangulation, I will discover one of the most preventive methods used in managing behavior in children of parental separation and divorce. The methodology of preventive triangulation is a study of processes that reduce external and internal conflicts in divorce contexts to discover solutions and reduce the impact of stress in a practical environment. PTM also increases fidelity and reduces the fear of abandonment by both parents as part of these processes. By identifying these opportunities in the early stages of the PTM process, you will also increase their success rate from a transitional marriage to adulthood. One of the reasons children play their feelings is that they have not developed the skills needed to communicate their feelings to an adult or their parents. In turn, the child may develop behavior problems at school that reflect their marks, that they become socially isolated or use drugs. The methodology of preventive triangulation consists of 3 different processes that identify and eliminate external and internal conflicts. The first TMP process is to identify the triggers. Self-awareness is the first and most important element that identifies what causes the individual to get angry or angry. So, when a couple experiences a divorce or separation, the child should not be exposed to negative interactions during separation. By exposing the child to the deranged parent or even the legalities of the divorce will trigger a behavior of disorganized behavior and would lead to a loss of fidelity to either parent of the triangulation of the crises. This is why PTM is widely used to prevent such behaviors early in the pre-divorce process. PTM accompanies the couple through each phase of divorce and identifies what, when, and most importantly, how to communicate separation in the most effective way possible without stress. Other divorce programs and models do not give parents a roadmap for a successful divorce by focusing on child acceptance. One of the effects of the experience of a divorce is the lack of communication skills between him and his companions in parallel with their parents when they reach adulthood. Being able to communicate that he / she is about to marry, or even communicating properly with his / her new partner could be a problem. The adjustment to becoming married themselves will be a challenge as they have no plan to model their new behaviors. Therefore, parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may respond to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or by withdrawing. Older children may experience deep sadness and loss. Their school work may suffer and behavioral problems are frequent. As teenagers and adults, divorce children may have problems with their own relationships and are experiencing self-esteem problems (AACAP, 2015).
The preventive triangulation (PTM) methodology is designed for the family that recognizes the need for a preventive method as well as family that are looking for a set of processes for a successful and smooth transition. These sets of processes are:
1. Phase of Understanding – This phase contributes to the beginning of a counseling phase that helps the child understand what is going on between his / her parents. Involvement of the child in the process allows them to understand what is happening, what will happen and how they will be affected by separation. This is crucial in homes where the child may experience emotional parents and psychological states that decrease. This phase also identifies the behavior of the child and exposes the data to make himself or herself known about the disorganized behavior.
2. Reinsurance phase – This phase is considered as the repair of the spirits. We organize group meetings here and discuss issues with the child in order to encourage trust and loyalty between parents and children. Triangulation is the result of disloyalty and trust for a parent and the child chooses one on the other. Here, we encourage a positive environment to experience the two parents who discuss separation to reassure day care centers that will continue to be uninterrupted. Adult divorce children often carry the luggage of their parents' divorce and their mistrust towards relationships with another person in their own marriage and marriage. They tend to regard, both consciously and unconsciously, relationships and marriage as temporary, unstable and threatening. They often expect treason and rejection by their partner or spouse. (Thomas Merrill)
3. Continuous Reinsurance Phase – This phase of reinsurance continues to take place in the midst of a series of shallow, unrelated relationships. Final phase has a life cycle that continues until the child passes into adult. Reassessment occurs every 3 years to discover new and defeated behaviors. As the child transforms into a more independent role with children, we are working with this adult and his child to look for any kind of disorganized behavior.
This set of processes is essential to a comprehensive recovery or prevention method to ensure continuity trust and fidelity between children and non-custodial parents. The divorce consists of 6 steps that PTM takes care of during the pre-divorce and post-divorce phases. These steps include emotional, legal, economic, co-parent, community and psychological divorces. The emotional stage is a time when one or both parents are emotionally withdrawn from the relationship. During this period, there is a loss of mutual respect, trust and affection. The legal situation can be very difficult especially when goods and children are involved. In trying to solve these problems, couples are very involved with lawyers who defend the interest of their client in general, regardless of the other parent. Legal aspects can be an expensive plan. The economic phase consists of settling the goods, the co-parental phase involves decisions about childcare, and the community scene involves the evolution of social relations. Usually the friends and family of the spouse are lost as a result of the separation … In this stage of divorce, couples experience a state of isolation and loneliness. The stage of psychic divorce, the last of them, is the redefinition of self, the process of returning to the single age. This process takes time and involves a distance and acceptance of the break. The scene is similar to that of a death where the spouse stands out and accepts the break. Recovery time varies from one individual to another depending on the variables of the relationship.
Understanding the steps of a divorce is vital for the PTM process to know where each relationship lies in the life cycle of divorces. At the initial board meeting, we are able to evaluate individuals to make the appropriate decisions to work with each client. We work with our clients throughout the life cycle of divorce to ensure that the children of the divorced child transitioning into adulthood do not repeat the cycle. Other programs offer only conflict resolution, the basic principles of parents and how to maintain a positive parent in stressful situations. We offer much more than cookie cutter sessions and we go to the bottom of what can resurface later in the child's life and help us to monitor their children as well as the potential symptoms.
In conclusion, according to (Churchill, 2012) Regardless of age, children of divorce deeply feel the strains and difficulties that arise in family celebrations, traditions, daily rituals and moments And assess these changes as major losses. Adult children continue to see their parents' divorce Very differently than parents. Judith Wallerstein, a clinical psychologist from San Francisco, was the first to disrupt the nation in 1980 with his research on the effects of divorce on children. She found that 10% of children felt positive about their parents' divorce, but 80% divorced mothers and 50 percent of divorced fathers considered divorce good for them 15 years after the divorce.
Source by Michael Witherspoon